If you do go on a date with a woman, unless you are in a lesbian bar, it is likely that some bloke will see two women having a warm conversation and you will be asked – “What are you lovely ladies doing all on your own?” – as he pulls up a seat to invade your privacy. You will politely remind him that it is not possible for two people chatting together to be ‘on their own’, and soon you will have changed from ‘lovely ladies’ to ‘bloody rug munchers’.

Do not worry though. One of the great things about being a lesbian is not having to focus most of your conversations on men – Bridget Jones style. You are free.

How to talk to another girl in the lesbian dating world

 
So, what do you talk to a lesbian about?

• No matter what age range you wish to date, if you are of my generation, learn to use terms such as ‘Netflix’ and ‘Spotify’ rather than Box Sets and CDs. It does not harm to at least give the impression you are up to scratch with the lingo.
• Do not admit to having a regular Sunday morning jaunt to B&Q – at least not until she has moved in with you.
• Tell her you like cats, then when she says she is allergic to them, say you prefer dogs. Do not, however, under any circumstances, pretend you are vegan, gluten-free, or any other such nonsense. I was once thrown out of a vegetarian lesbian household when a chicken carcass was discovered in my bin.
• Do not speak of babies, gyms, living together, or the ex you are still not over. At least not until the second date.
• Do, however, check out her dating history. Ours is a small world – most of us have at least one story of going to a Greek island and bumping into the women you left for her best friend. It is probably wise to ensure that you did not break her sister’s heart back in 2005. But under no circumstances should you whine about your own history of heartbreak or she’ll consider you a bit of a liability.

• Finally, as a result of that darned patriarchy, women have usually been conditioned into thinking that we don’t pick up the tab, at least on the first date. Talk about how great it is that lesbians have such equal relationships, without the shackles of heterosexual convention.

Finally, don’t say, “I like you, but I’m not sure I am a lesbian” – she will be offended. Anyway, give yourself a break and have fun. It is great being a lesbian, and even better when you have others in your life to keep reminding you so.